dear this pretty world , i want to start it with my dirty words or start it blaming the time and blaming my destiny who takes me this far but as I'm an Arabian negga i cant blame my self thats what we learn from being Arabs ,well i guess I'm gonna screw this Arab rule and blame ma self for many ages and for different things iv been done it in my shitty nice life , its all in comes from the primary way to the main life way and what u v done in Ur life no matter if its good or bad right or wrong nice or rude in the end it happened to you no matter when or where in the end u will learn , and I'm talking about my self as a person growers on the traditional way , which is to be typical thats what my parents wanted to me , but after my father death i changed this philosophy and i believe that it helped me alot and may change my destiny , i believe that it was a chance to make a early career and start it from the zero . but what i can see every day is the generation after me , I'm 23 years old ,i just see that the generation is getting worst and worst after me .. i thought that I'm the worst ever but here am i start to think that I'm not bad boy.. or at least I'm not the worst around ,I'm writing this blog after hanging out in all dxb night clubs and i just want to reach that feeling which is letting me don't want anything ,(I'm enough from everything) , i tried everything , why should i try it again and again , there is not highness in replaying , like sex and drink and smoking some shit , whats the point of all that ? its all an matter of seconds highness , and after that we back to the real world , some of us will regret because he had sex with a whore and didn't protect himself , others will also regret because the cheat on there wives or damage there body with alcohol and smoking the weed , why we all doing this .?? this question always in my mind when i see an old man running after a whore ,i turned to my dude and tell him (that will never be me) i want to die before being this kind of man , I'm sure of my self I'm sure that i will never sell my soul for the devil , yesterday i  saw a friend , he is in the 30s and he where dancing like a 18 years old negga who try to get attention to him specially the whores maybe he will get one free if he make her smile . technically the Arab man don't like to pay for a whore so he invite her for a dinner and a nice night in anywhere nice , and it cost him more then double cost if he pay her direct to get her ass with him home. one thing i saw it and it makes me laugh which is i was in a cheap night club in ad and i saw a couple of local and brown skin home's on the dance floor dancing to show up like my Friend but those where a group of guys dancing and show up for a group of whores to get them free or at least to be there friends so maybe in the near future they can get something a kiss or a bite or what ever as long as it from a pussy , i don't know why , i mean if i used my hand  is much more better at least there is an honor in using a hand its my own hand ..duuuuuuuh . (as Russian chicks says) , its long story of life and it will keep continue as long as I'm breathing , its mama nature to make the dance floor like a forest every male is fighting or dancing to get a female .. loool i don't see the different between us and the beetles , maybe they are better at least they don't have choose the write or the wrong .in the end i found that maybe there is no wrong in my generation or in my fathers generation or my son generation  , but maybe from my fathers time to my sons time i believe that the connection between the human and god is getting lower and lower . my father was fasting and praying ,but maybe me i don't pray but fast , well i believe that my son maybe will never do this or that .. its  a matter or a raised and understanding , until now i didn't learn it but i wish to learn it and fix my mistakes so maybe if i had a boy one day ill be good in raising him like my father did and my grandfather ... in the end I'm still 23 and i still have those ideas about marriage and kids but that doesn't mind me to be some ones old man in the future .