DEAR THIS WORLD

IM A PART OF YOU AND THERE IS A LOT OF OTHER PARTS OF YOU OUT THERE WITH DIFFERENT STORIES BUT I WANT TO TELL EVERYONE ABOUT MY FRIENDS THEY ARE NOT IDOL BUT THEY ARE DIFFERENT OR AT LEAST I BELIEVE IN THIS NO MATTER WHAT THEY WILL STAY MY FRIENDS  FOR EVER . THEY ARE TOMMY, ASHRAF, AHMAD JAMAL MAHDI AND ME.

WE FACE THIS WORLD ALL TOGTHER NO MATTER WHAT AND HERE WE ARE DOWN HERE I WISH THAT MY FRIENDS DIDN’T GET ANGRY BECOUSE IM WRITING ABOUT THEM BUT IM GANNA TELL THEM ALL BECOUSE I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING TO HIDE ITS ME

AND IM ALWAYS USED TO BE LIKE AN OPEND BOOK TO EVERYONE

A LOSER MAYBE BUT NOT EVERYONE THINGS THAT. WHY IM WRITING IN ENGLISH IS BECOUSE I CAN FEEL MORE AND ITS KIND OF NEW IDEA AND FORGIVE ME GUYS FOR EVERY WRONG WORD I WILL EVER SAY IT AND IF MA ENGLISH IS BAD FORGIVE ME ALSO BECOUSE IM NOT A WRITER AND I DON’T WANNA BE ALL IM DOING IS TELLING WHATS IN MA HART AND I DON’T WANNA BE FAMOUS SO DON’T YOU PEOPLE THINK TWO MUCH.. ITS JUST A MEMORIES FOR ME AND FOREVERYONE I KNOW AND I WILL EVER KNOW IN THE FUTURE WISH YOU THE LOVE.

I BORED IN ABUDHABI THE CAPITAL OF UAE ME LEBANESE BUT NO ONE BELIEVES THAT BECOUSE MY LIFE WAS MIXED WITH EVERY OTHER CALTURES SO THE RESULT WAS ME A GUY WITH NICE DIFFERENT ACCENTS I LIVED MY WHOLE LIFE HERE IN THIS PRETTY LAND I WENT T LEBANON MANY TIMES AND I ALWAYS COME BACK TO THIS LAND THERE IS A SECRET IN THIS LAND

I CANT LIVE OUT THERE I DON’T KNOW WHY ITS KIND OF CURSE BUT I LOVE IT I WILL NEVER IMAGEN MY SELF CHANGING 23 YEARS OF MY LIFE AND MOVE ON TO ANOTHER WORLD I DON’T KNOW AND  I CANT WALK WITH IT  . MY CHILDHOOD WAS HERE AND MY TEEN WAS HERE BUT I DON’T KNOW IF IM GANNA DIES HERE.

I DON’T THINK MY LIFE IS VERY INTEREST, WHEN I WAS A CHIELD I BELIEVE THAT IIF IM GANNA DIE I WILL LIVE AGAIN BUT IN DIFFERENT BODY AND IT WAS AMAIZING FEELING .THAT I WILL MEET NEW PARENTS, FRIENDS AND CALTURES BUT ALSO I WISH TO BE RICH SO I CAN BUY THAT BLUE WIRELESS CONTROL FERARRI CAR SO ICAN PLAY WITH IT AND CHARGE IT FOR THE NEXT DAY .OH WHAT A NICE DREAMS. ALL I REMMBER FROM THIS LEVEL OF MY LIFE IS THAT IT WAS SIMPLE TO ME AND LOVLY.

NOW IM OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THE RIGHT AND THE WRONG, IN MY WHOLE LIFE I DIDNT CARE ABOUT THE DIFFRENCE BETWEEN THEM BUT NOW OOPS IM OLD MAN SO I HAVE TO LIVE MY LIFE IN THE RIGHTWAY SOMTIMES I FEEL  THAT I WASTE ALOT OF MY LIFE TIME FOR NOTHIN BECOUSE I DIDNT COUNTINUE MY  STUDIES  AND FINISH IT , I DIDNT BEEN IN A COLLEGE SPIECALLY  WHEN WE TALK ABOUT THE MONEY CASE DOWN HERE .

I WAS HEARING MY FRIENDS AROUND TELLING ME ABOUT THERE COLLEGES AND HOW THEY SPEND THERE TIMES HERE AND THERE

AND HOW THEY MEET NEW PEOPLE AND GIRLS, THAT WAS LOVLY

AND ME I WAS WORKING AS A SALESMAN  IN A MOBILES STORE ,IT WAS MY FIRST JOB ,I LOVE IT LIKE HELL BESIDE THAT IT WAS PART TIME JOB BECAUSE IM STUDY IN THE MORNING WITH MY DUDE AHMAD IN THE SAME CLASS . WE WAS STUDING THE COMPUTER ENJINEERING THERE.

TIME GOES ON AND LIFE GOES ON AND IM NOT DOING ANYTHING IN THIS LIFE MORE THEN STUDY AND WORK , I WAS A GOOD TRICKER  AND I KNOW HOW TO GET MONEY FROM ANYONE  SIMPLY ITS IN MY BLOOD , NOW IM 17 AND I HAVE TO FIND MORE OPTIONS IN MY LIFE , IN HOUSE OUR SYSTEM WAS CLEAR EVERY ONE HAS HIS OWN WORLD AFTER MY FATHERS DEATH , IT CHANGES EVERYTHING IN ME , SOMETIMES I HATE EVERYTHING AND HATE THIS WORLD BECAUSE I LOST MY FATHER , THERE WAS ALWAYS A QUISTIONS IN MY MIND WHY MY FATHER ? WHAT I WILL BE IF HE WAS THERE WITH ME AND MY FAMILY, IS THAT FAIR? SHOULD I PRAY TO GOD AND ACCEPT IT JUST LIKE THAT?  I  FELT SOMETHING WHEN MY SISTER TOLD ME THAT UR DAD WANT TO SEE YOU HE IS TIERD

I CALLED MY BROTHER AND I WISH I DIDN’T FOR THE FIRST TIME I HEAD MY BROTHER CRYING AND TELL ME THAT DAD IS LEFT THIS WORLD. I DIDN’T BELIEVE HIM I WENT THERE AND I SAW IT WITH MY EYES. I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT SHOULD I DO MY OLD MAN HAS LEFT ME AND MA FAMILY ALONE, WHY? I WISHED TO DIE AND HE STAIES ALIVE AT LEAST HE IS A FATHER FOR 5 PERSONS AND A RESPONSIBLE MAN HE IS MY DAD. ALL THIS THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD AND IM STILL OUT OF THE ROOM IM PANIC FROM BELEIVING THAT MY TEARS DIDN’T STOP AND WILL  NEVER STOP , EVERYONE OF MY UNCLES TRY TO HELP ME BUT WHAT SHOULD MY REACTION ? WHAT SHOULD I DO? I HOLD MA DADS HAND AND KISS IT

I DON’T REMMBER WHAT I SAID TO MY UNCLE AND WHY I WAS ANGRY AND SCREAMING ON EVERYONE, AND LATER ON I KNOW THAT MY FATHERS DEATH WAS BECAUSE OF MEDICAL MISTAKE, FROM THE TEAM OF DOCTORS, WHO HOLDING THE HIGHEST CERTIFCATES IN MEDICAL MAJORS AND A PORFISSIONAL NURSES

MAYBE I WISH THAT HE CAN HEAR ME NOW SO I WILL TELL YOU THAT I LOVE U DAD AND I WISH THAT IWAS THERE FOR YOU AND I WISH I COULD TURN BACK THE HANDS OF TIME , AND KISS YOUR HEAD AND YOUR STRONG HANDS WISH BUILT A LOT OF BUILDINGS IN ABUDHABI ,I LOVE YOU MY OLD MAN AND I WILL ALWAYS MISS YOU ,NOW I FELT THE MEANING OF BEING LONELY ,THAT FEELING WILL LAST FOREVER . WHAT SHOULD I DO ? I CALLED MY FRIEND MAHDI AND I WAS CRYING OUT SIDE THE HOSPITAL UNIT NEAR THAT WHITE WALL WHICH I HATE THE MOST BECAUSE ITS ALWAYS REMIND ME WITH WHAT HAPPENED AND I WAS TRYING TO LIE TO MA SELF ,MAHDI CAME AND FOUND ME IN THIS SETUATION I HOLD HIM , AND I CRYIED MORE AND MORE UNTIL MY EYES BECOME DRY HE TRIED TO HOLD HIS TIERS AND DO NOT SHOW IT TO ME ,BUT I SAW HIM AND IT WAS THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM CRYING …

I RUN AWAY AFTER FOUR DAYS,I COULDENT GO TO MA COLLEGE AND STUDY I WAS AFRAID FROM EVERYTHING AND WISH TO DIE AND FOLLOW MY FATHER MAYBE HE WILL FORGIVE ME BECAUSE I WASENT THERE FOR HIM WHEN THE NURSE DIDN’T DO HER JOB, DAM HOW MUCH I HATE NURSES AND HOSPITALS .I WISH THAT THEM ALL DIE SPICAELLY IN THAT HOSPITAL , I DIDN’T KNOW WHERE TO GO AND HOW TO HIDE FROM SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS IT ,IT WAS HARD DAYS TO ME . AND THEN AFTER 4 DAYS AHMAD KNOWS ABOUT MY FATHERS DEATH, HE CALLED ME AND TRY TO SUPPORT ME, I MEAN IWAS YOUNG WHAT SHOULD I SAY IT.  MY MANGER AND THE OWNER GIVE ME A VICATION TO PREPARE MY SAELF AGAIN. I MET AHMAD AND TOMMY IN THAT DAY THEY HOLD ME A LOT EVEN THEM THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY OR WHAT TO DO AFTER 1 MOUNTH FROM THIS BLACK DAY I START TO WAKE UP AND TRY TO HOLD MY SELF ,EVERYONE WAS CALLING ME AND ASKING FOR ME , AND I COULDN’T DO ANYTHING MORE THEN BE SILENT I COULDN’T LOOK TO MY MAMS FACE OR MY SISTERS AND BROTHERS FACES THEY WHERE ALL SAD . I DIDN’T FIND AWAY TO RUN MY LIFE BACK BUT LIE TO MY SELF AND LIVE MY LIFE AGAIN WITH A LIE THAT MY FATHER STILL THERE WITH US

THE HARDEST QUISTION EVERYBADY USED TO ASK ME ABOUT IT IS WHAT MY FATHERS DO? AND I COULDN’T ANSWER CLEARLY UNTIL THIS MOMENT I CAN’T DO THIS I CANT TELL THEM THAT HES DEAD. IM AFRAID FROM BELEIVEINGTHIS